Nerve Endings Firing Away

The title sure is catchy, isn’t it? If you are on a feed reader, if this doesn’t get you to my blog I guess nothing else will. It is the omnipresent list of questions that are so obvious that it is confounding that Cosmopolitan magazines still sell based on some other advice.

A sappy Ally McBeal episode listed three questions to ask before you knew a man was the one for you – 1) Can you sit up all night with him talking, 2) Can you see him as a father of your children, and 3) Will you let him lick whipped cream from your navel? I loved to mention these rules to my girl-friends (note the hyphen please) to see them chuckle. They never admitted but something told me that those sappy questions has some truth to them. Primarily because they address the three important aspects of a long-term relationship – companionship, family, and sex.

Now New York Times, of course cannot be expected to be that sappy so they take those three rule and extend them to 15. Ranging from being extremely specific to as generic as to include three generation of families on either side. The questions are listed after the jump:

1) Have we discussed whether or not to have children, and if the answer is yes, who is going to be the primary care giver?

2) Do we have a clear idea of each other’s financial obligations and goals, and do our ideas about spending and saving mesh?

3) Have we discussed our expectations for how the household will be maintained, and are we in agreement on who will manage the chores?

4) Have we fully disclosed our health histories, both physical and mental?

5) Is my partner affectionate to the degree that I expect?

6) Can we comfortably and openly discuss our sexual needs, preferences and fears?

7) Will there be a television in the bedroom?

8) Do we truly listen to each other and fairly consider one another’s ideas and complaints?

9) Have we reached a clear understanding of each other’s spiritual beliefs and needs, and have we discussed when and how our children will be exposed to religious/moral education?

10) Do we like and respect each other’s friends?

11) Do we value and respect each other’s parents, and is either of us concerned about whether the parents will interfere with the relationship?

12) What does my family do that annoys you?

13) Are there some things that you and I are NOT prepared to give up in the marriage?

14) If one of us were to be offered a career opportunity in a location far from the other’s family, are we prepared to move?

15) Do each of us feel fully confident in the other’s commitment to the marriage and believe that the bond can survive whatever challenges we may face?

Note that these questions have been updated to include the needs of a 21st century relationship where equal rights of a man and woman are a given. Question# 15 would be redundant in some male-dominated societies but nowadays hold prime importance in working couples especially if the woman is earning more than the man.

Q#11 and Q#12 address the inescapable aspect of the role of the extended family in a couple’s relationship. You may like to think you live your own life whereas in reality, that is never true.

Q#6 is rarely addresses even among couples that are otherwise very close to each other. But often sex is the unsaid and unsatisfied aspect that leads to discord. You’ll never see this mentioned in divorce courts unless one partner wants to really deliver a low blow, pun intended.

I could dissect each and every question and say why it is important but that is the beauty of it. Every question is important and it just takes one unanswered or misunderstood question to end a marriage.

Update: Whoa! I just realized that this post was ‘Stumbleupon-ed‘ and also, linked by Grow a Brain. Thanks, guys for the link-love and the deluge of visitors.