Nerve Endings Firing Away

Hope y’all had a wonderful Father’s Day. Plenty of bloggers I know are dads and I hope you are doing a better job than this dad. But what’s a Father’s Day without remembering Calvin’s dad who often was one up on the mischievous little twit. I’m sure he knew much more than he would have liked Calvin to know. He redefined fatherly wisdom in a way that everyone wished their dad was as ‘ignorant’ as he portrayed himself to be. His outrageous explanations only underscored a sense of humor that isn’t seen in most dads at least to their sons. Case in point – “a time when he says to Calvin after asking where kids come from he says, “You go to Sears and buy a kit, follow the directions and make one.” “I’M FROM SEARS?” replies Calvin. “No. You’re from Kmart a blue light special. Almost as good, and a lot cheaper.”

Now Post Secret, that awesome blog that continues to amaze has a Father’s Day special that you must check out. But hidden in most of the heart-wrenching messages is the following postcard:

It reminded me instantly of Calvin’s dad. The Post Secret readers sent in other tall tales that their dads have been telling them.

My dad used to say that inside of the car’s air-bags was uncooked popcorn. When you wrecked the popcorn would pop and you would have a snack until help came.

When I was little, my dad told me ATMs worked by having little monkeys inside them. I believed that for years. Now I work in a bank, and wish it were true!

My dad told me the worst swear word you could possibly say was “Bostonian”. It meant “someone who has no private parts.” My brother and I used the word until we were teenagers and my father giggled every time we said it, right before he sent us to our rooms.

My dad told me that men worked under the streets pulling levers to change the street lights from red to green. They went to work by climbing down manholes, and then sat there all day and ate doughnuts and pulled levers.

When we’d approach exits or toll booths, my father told me the sound the car made when it went over the rumble strips was the car getting angry because I had been bad. I still sit up a little straighter when I hit a rumble strip.

My dad never told me such wonderful lies. Nah! instead he insisted on ‘educating’ me at every opportunity he got. No wonder I was such a uppity snobbish geeky kid who liked to pass on useless trivia as knowledge. But I think I turned out ok in the end.

Any tall tales your dad entertained you with? Or better still, are you passing some on to your kids? Trust me, they would remember you longer if you did.