Nerve Endings Firing Away

Apart from the plethora of food options on our honeymoon Carnival cruise, we also loved the onboard entertainment. Given that you are at sea aboard a huge ship with nowhere to go, the cruise had better keep you occupied otherwise walking the plank might not seem that bad an option especially with the lovely blue sea that stretches out for miles. Of course, you could spend your day lying out on the deck in the brilliant Caribbean sun and that’s exactly what many people choose to do. The multi-level deck on the Carnival Conquest is always packed with people. Most are just lazily sunning themselves while others are trying to get some reading done while few others on their spring break are guzzling down beer but thankfully keeping it down. Although we had ample time, Ash and I managed to only plow through only one book each. Not that we were on the deck getting a tan (we were born with it) but the constant sea breeze with the warm sunshine makes it a perfect place to hang out and with lots of people-watching, you hardly get any reading done. But apart from the browns and the blacks, almost everyone on the deck is in their bare minimum changing colors to all shades of red (and they used to call us colored). The only time the decks were desolate was at night when everyone was at dinner and in the promenade lounges except on the night when the cruise had a grand Mardi Gras party :)

Plenty of space to sunbathe

The Hairy Chest Contest

Just before the Mardi Gras Party

If you are the sporty sort, the Conquest has a smallish basketball court, a volleyball court, and a mini-golf course (putt-putt) on the upper decks. But the decks aren’t always places for passive recreation as the cruise personnel sometimes whip up the atmosphere by random competitions like bean bag tossing, ice sculpture carving demonstration, and a hairy chest contest. Yup! And as expected a very desi-looking gentleman with Chewbacca-like hair both on his chest and his back easily won the competition.

The midship main atrium

But of course being the Indians that we are, there is only so much sun you can take and you have to move inside to the air-conditioned environs of the ship. If you are interested, the ship offers talks in the main auditorium on various topics like offshore shopping, excursions, and workshops on few uninteresting topics that we never bothered to check out although we did attend the offshore excursions talk to make up our mind for the still-undecided Jamaica port of call. The other popular time-pass activity was Bingo, the popular game that gives people a better hope of striking it rich than a lottery does. The ship had a Bingo machine which let them conduct the game with utmost ease. Tickets were sold for ten dollars apiece or three for twenty. Only one prize was awarded and was usually in the range of $800-1200. Knowing our luck is always gandu, we never played it and the closest we came to winning was when an old couple sitting a few feet away from us screamed Bingo at the top of their tired yet excited lungs.

It was in the evening that the activities on the cruise came alive. Deck 5 which was aptly called the Promenade was the highest trafficked deck during the evening. It is also where the casino is located and is often the one-stop destination for geriatric folks and perennial gamblers. Beyond the casino was the shopping arcade that housed premier brands in jewelery, watches, and perfume. Why would you buy these luxury items on a cruise? Because they are duty-free. The other end of the promenade had different lounges and clubs like the jazz piano bar, karaoke bar, and the three discos for different age groups. We aren’t the disco-type people but if you love to shake a hip or two, I’m sure you can spend entire nights in there and nope, drinks aren’t free. Outside the lounges is the sushi bar and the cafe that serves customized frappe drinks. Our favorite spot for sitting on the promenade was opposite a large LED display of the ship’s route. Almost everyone who passed by stopped to look at our current position in the sea but I seriously doubt it was showing the information in real-time because one day, we sat their for hours and the blinking dot never budged.

Deck 5 Promenade

The Montmatre Teen Club

The Karaoke Bar

The Blues Piano Bar

The highlight of the evenings was in the Toulouse Lautrec theater. A multi-million dollar theater (the whole ship costs $550 million) designed with Moulin Rouge for inspiration was equipped with the state-of-the-art audio-visual equipment and had ample 180-degree seating for all cruise passengers. The Main Show held every night at 10:30 pm often brought all passengers to this theater and showcased the best a cruise had to offer. Carnival Conquest has an excellent team of show dancers who present several Broadway-themed shows on different nights. However, their feature attraction – Point and Click sucked big time but the less hyped show based on Parisian life was quite impressive. The agile and talented dancers led by lead singing couple definitely brought the house down on several occasions. The other feature presentations were two stand-up comedy acts – one intended for general audiences and the other rated R. The R-rated shows was at midnight but unfortunately quite disappointing. The much-hyped stand-up comedy show of Percy Cruz actually fell flat whereas a ventriloquist who came on a later night was way funnier.

We skipped the Magic show and Motown Show Tunes nights but the juggling act and a hypnosis show by one of Carnival’s own cruise director Mark Price were definitely a great watch. On the last night, the cruise presented Carnival Legends which was basically a song-and-dance performance by fellow passengers who had auditioned throughout the week and performed on stage posing as Elvis Presley, James Brown, Frank Sinatra, Arethra Franklin, Madonna, and even Britney Spears. They were ably supported by the Carnival dancers.

The fantastic Toulouse Lautrec Theater

The Carnival Show Dancers in performance

However the icing on the cake for these shows was often the prelude led by our very own cruise director, Wee Jimmy. A stocky short Scottish guy who loved indulging in self-deprecating humor often infused interest and merriment in otherwise dull topics like the disembarkation talk. He was even sportingly enough to don a women’s dress complete with a blonde wig during the last night’s Carnival Legends show. He often was a comedy act by himself during guest introductions or simply during fillers between acts. His penchant for breaking into a song over the PA system also made guests chuckle and abstruse jokes (what do you call a cow with no feet? – ground beef) made others scratch their heads while those who got it rolled in laughter.

Overall, it was an immensely enjoyable experience and we hardly had any time to get bored. There was always something to do but we did find time to take our elusive and much-need afternoon siestas.

More on the offshore excursions to Dunn River Falls (Jamaica), Stingray City & Rum Point Beach (Cayman Is.) and Tulum Ruins (Cozumel, Mexico) later.