Nerve Endings Firing Away

Rio de Janeiro was selected as the host city for Summer Olympics 2016. Of course, in the United States, the news made more splash not because Rio won but because Chicago lost. What’s so special about yet another American city losing the Olympics bid after the fiasco at Atlanta, you ask? Well, this time President Barack Obama made a last-minute flight to Copenhagen to make a pitch for Chicago. So when Chicago got kicked out in the first round, it was naturally Obama’s fault because after all, Obama is considered a messiah not by his ardent fans but rather by his fiercest critics who expect him to churn out miracles because he speaks of hope. In fact, one IOC member from Kenya even voted for Nairobi after Obama spoke.

After all, why wouldn’t the IOC members vote for Chicago after being hypnotized by the magic of the black president regardless of the fact that the bid process started more than two years before Obama even started running for office. After all, George W. Bush was vilified by everyone after New York City with all its 9/11 memories lost the bid to London in 2005. Katrina wasn’t Bush’s watershed moment, no pun intended, but it was the rejection of the NYC bid. After all, how can a country recover when your Olympic bid is rejected? That’s why India takes part; the pain is simply unbearable and governments are toppled over the decision of 95-odd randomly selected sports officials of the IOC.

But of course, Obama didn’t know the perils of this rejection and was the only head of state who was in Copenhagen for support. King Juan Carlos and Prime Minister Hatoyama will not comment and insist they were hiking the Appalachian trail when asked where they were on that day. President Lula Da Silva only teleported to Copenhagen after the decision was announced. He wouldn’t want to stake his political future on such an important decision.

Back in the U.S., Obama’s critics were disappointed that he could not do what Hitler successfully did in 1936. If only the Olympics were held in black-dominated Chicago, a white man could sweep the track races and adorn the walls of uninspired white surburban kids in dorm rooms of Harvard and Princeton. The news channels suddenly discovered the high crime rate of Chicago before told that perhaps Rio has a higher crime rate and of course, seeing Cidade de Deus (City of God) on the weekend helped. But as the obviously obese Bill Bennet on CNN said it best, it is better to see girls in bikinis at Rio than fat men eating in Chicago. He followed it up by stuffing his face in a deep-dish pizza and commenting on healthy eating as the only healthcare reform we should adopt.

In order to silence the cheering in the Weekly Standard offices post-announcement of Chicago’s elimination and to respond to the general glee from conservatives, Barack Obama should immediately resign from the Presidency as atonement for his sins. Forget the economy, healthcare, immigration, wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, the disappointment of not seeing synchronized dances at the opening ceremony in 2016 with people shouting USA! USA!! is crime enough.