Nerve Endings Firing Away

A picture-perfect day can be experienced from within the confines of your mortal self and is truly independent of your surroundings. The reasons can be as varied as the season has been this summer and truly as insignificant as finding beauty in the ambling yet cautious walk of a sparrow in search for a elusive tidbit. I experienced that rare kind of happiness yesterday as I finally wrapped up my day. I truly cannot pinpoint the genesis of the exuberance, not even to myself not because I fear the unworthiness of the source but merely because I cannot lay a finger on it. But isn’t it amazing that certain things can truly alter your inner conscience lending credence to the theory that one can neither insult you nor flatter you without your permission? The mind games seemingly played recklessly by the world around you are in essence the covert workings of your own psyche. You choose to feel good or you choose to feel bad.

Before I launch into a preachy mode, a little glimpse into my inane professional life wouldn’t hurt much. My internship turned out rather well though I feel I should have invested more time into the whole experience. But then again, I set my aspirations higher than what people often expect of me. Pompous maybe but truthfully yes, I do aim higher maybe a bit too high; explains the frequent disappointments in personal performance. I should tone down my expectations a little lower.

As Calvin says it best, “I find my life is a lot easier the lower I keep everyone’s expectations”. I wish I could be as nonchalant as Calvin but he is just a six year old grown up. Aaah! digression galore, the director of the government agency I worked for seemed impressed with my paltry work, or at least she seemed so. Maybe the fact that she herself typed the changes in my final report as I dictated may suggest otherwise. My immediate supervisor expressed intent of hiring me again in my evaluation form may also provide the final affirmation of my performance. But then, I am simply gloating for cheap praise. Nahhh!!! reasons for my happiness had to be something deeper. Maybe it was the fact that for a change, my study-group partner did the bulk of the assigned project.

I can’t be so selfish so as to accept “fukat ki kamaae” so I promised to write up the final report. I cannot be that shallow, although sometimes I do think I am. My friends think otherwise though. Damn! Why do I have to be so transparent? I still seek the source of my happiness, so feel free to chime in your opinions. But as they say, all good (and the bad too) things come to an end. The upbeat mood took a direct plunge as I got off the phone with dad. Nope, I won’t say why so don’t bother to ask (hehehehehe…I love playing the mysterious guy and rekindling the curious catty quality in you). No amount of B-grade Bollywood masala managed to rejuvenate my spirits to the higher planes experienced before. Things are always better after a good night’s sleep. Or so I hope.