The male response (although incomplete)
Blame Melodrama for bringing out my wish list out of the closet; .now I have figure out how to get a XX chromosome-enabled human to sign it. A little background; Melodrama drafted a pre-nuptial agreement for poor Someone so I thought I would help poor Someone get some male support to do the same. Thus follows:
I love to watch TV on my LaZ-Boy recliner and nothing is going to make me get up once I am seated. Insults of being a couch potato are not applicable to recliners.
Sports rank higher than Saas-Bahu conflicts, cooking shows and stupid reality shows and hence gain priority on the viewing sequence.
Screaming at Tendulkar to hit a towering six counts as support to the Indian team. Trust me it works. It has 324 times so far.
The screaming is infectious. It rubs on other non-performing players too. Why do you think India reached a World Cup final after 20 years? Would you rather sleep or be branded as a non-patriotic Indian?
Even if you are not a Muslim, you are expected to prove your patriotism every time you watch an India-Pakistan game. Appreciating a Saeed Anwar stroke will only get you hostile looks so don’t be surprised.
Everyone remembers where they were sitting and what they were doing when Indians are playing well. You are not expected to move an inch. Girls call it stupid superstition and guys call it logic.
Get a pair of earplugs if you cannot tolerate the late night ” performance motivation pep talks”. They are cheaper than therapy induced when subjected to the shock of TV being shut off while the ball is in motion on the way to the boundary. Maybe I can borrow them when you decide to have a conversation to “know a little more about each other”.
Channel surfing is a perfectly legit procedure to maximize efficiency while watching TV; and yes, we can keep track of all the channels we surf during commercial breaks; call brain multitasking
Absolutely no channel surfing during a Victoria Secret commercial is an unwritten exception so pointing that out doesn’t prove anything; and yes, we do not try to know what her damn secret is; spoils our suspense to watch it again.
Bigger is better and so is Louder while watching TV; and no, it certainly is not applicable to other activities in the bedroom or ; on the kitchen counter.
A can of Coke and a bag of chips is an adequate diet while watching TV. We have no idea where that extra fat came from nor do we care to find out. Blaming it on the TV will brand you as an anti-technology Luddite.
To err is human, to forgive divine and to fuck things up royally is a computer. Once you get this fact straight in your head, maneuvering your way around the chip maze is lot easier.
Reverse engineering of a computer counts as a hobby. Insure the house if you are afraid it is gonna blow up.
I WILL want to cram my PC with stuff I don’t use. Its called saving up for a rainy day. Ever wonder what you would do if your Windows Media Player won’t open, Win Amp crashes repeatedly and you hate Real One Player; .Sonique hai naa!
I definitely know more about computers, even if you are a CS major. Accept it as a fact carved in stone.
Computers are for work?? You surely never played Doom, Quake or Sim City. Maybe if there was a male version for Lara Croft, you would think differently, right?
Online shopping is NOT an excuse we make to avoid taking you out for shopping. It is cheaper. But guess that is not a word in your vocabulary.
Tinkering around Windows Explorer, resetting icons, organizing your desktop, creating alphabetical bookmarks counts as cleaning up my workspace. DON’T expect me to extend that to my desk, much less my room.
I will NEVER allow you to use my laptop without me hovering above your shoulder. Take it or leave it.
An Urmila wallpaper looks much more beautiful than the most picturesque sunset you have ever seen.
Did YOU notice this list restricts itself to my TV and PC rules? And I am just getting warmed up…
