No Salaam, No Namaste

pitch in What’s wrong with you, bloggers? How did you get this so wrong? Every review I read on blogs and web ezines had praised Salaam Namaste to the skies. Are you on the Yash Raj payroll? Or have our expectations from Bollywood hit rock bottom after seeing ‘classics’ like Waqt and Maine Pyaar Kyun Kiya. The hype and lavish praise was so widespread that Ash simply couldn’t wait till the movie arrived at the local store. She nearly shrieked with joy when we got the email that the movie was finally here. To ‘celebrate’ the hurricane escape, we watched the movie yesterday night. Frankly, I would have preferred the hurricane instead.

The movie was a total washout and a pathetic attempt to infuse a ‘bold’ theme in Indian movies. The much-hyped live-in relationship was conveniently staged in Melbourne because the protagonists would be lynched if it was Mangalore. Even the most forward American relationships would consider moving in together within days of meeting each other as taking things a bit too fast. Remember the shocked reactions when Ross and Emily got engaged and married after only six weeks? And FRIENDS is a pretty ‘forward’ sitcom according to Indian parents. And to top it off, who in their right mind, leases an apartment for a year when you are trying to see if the relationship might work out no matter how freaking beautiful the apartment is?

Anyway, I am surprised none of you mentioned the blatant lifting of scenes from the movie’s ‘inspiration’, Nine Months including the second-couple angle and the final supposedly hilarious scene during child birth. I suppose the writers of Yash Raj Films watch all the sappy romantic comedies from Hollywood at night and ‘write’ their movies during the day thinking that the Indian viewers won’t put two and two together. Are we some kind of retards that we don’t remember the big hits? If you HAVE TO copy Hollywood movies because you lack essential creative brain cells, then at least lift older movies that we might have forgotten about.
Are Abhishek Bachhan and other so-called big actors called upon to do cameo roles if they are to ensure their lead roles in the following Yash Raj movies? Imagine Abhishek trying to fill in Robin William shoes! That is like…hmmmmm; .some Lilliputian trying on Gulliver’s shoes. He definitely wins the Best Hamming Actor Award during this year’s Filmfares. Oh wait! That is permanently reserved for SRK. Arshad Warsi’s potential is totally wasted and Javed Jaffery gets irritating minute by minute. I loved him during his Timex Timepass days. Too bad, the guy didn’t get the right breaks. His time has come and gone.

I also loved it when Preity Zinta went from totally slim-n-trim to insanely pregnant. Neither Preity nor Saif could read their sonography report correctly, but I had rightly predicted the twins, going by the size of her abnormally large belly. The Ben and Jerry’s product placement however was appropriately fitted in and didn’t sound forced (some of you must be going, Hey, something good about the movie, at last). But each time she shrieked while fighting with Saif, I had this terrible urge to give her one tight slap. Saif was being a total SOB and yet totally unmindful of the harmful effects it would have on the baby, Preity continues to live in. Don’t give me logic on her economic conditions, please. If she had an iota of a brain considering that she is a fiercely independent woman who is living in a foreign country after having fought with her parents and is studying medicine, she wouldn’t have opted going in for the child. The geniuses at Yash Raj Films also take no effort at showing how the pregnancy is affecting her
job or her academic life. Having a baby in a developed country is freaking expensive; yet apni Preity doesn’t seem to be perturbed on that front or is she mooching off “we are friends only” Jeeegnes? Are they advocating live-in relationships and unwanted pregnancies even if they screw up your lives? What ever happened to the pro-choice movement?

Don’t get me wrong, Yash Raj Films can make a good movie if they want. Hum Tum was pretty decent although they were also inspired by When Harry met Sally but it had a distinct Indian touch. If you are pissed off that I revealed so many spoilers, trust me you will be thanking me
for not seeing the movie.

Whew! That felt better.

“No Salaam, No Namaste” [Short URL: http://www.ipatrix.com/?p=926] was published Tuesday, September 27th, 2005 at 1:00 am by Patrix, filed under Movies, and tagged as Bollywood, India, Movies, Rants, review. Both comments and linkbacks are closed.

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http://25worldcountry.blogspot.com TTG
Interesting. Reason & Rationality are not traits of bollywood. I’m surprised you had any expectations about the movie at all, but then maybe you weren’t exposed to the trailers they were showing on local TV here. The trailers themselves told me this movie was gonna be bad! Haven’t seen it myself, and now I know I don’t want to! Bollywood, where movies are written by and for neanderthals, and where intelligent people decide to stoop to their level to watch and enjoy. Sad.
BTW, I disagree with the Hum Tum – Harry Met Sally comparison. They’re too different, IMO.
Aurora
Hey Patrix,
Surprsied to see such passionate bashing of a bollowood movie. Wondering if it had anything to the storms brewing …(ahem) outside in texas.
Anyways, I guess the makers tried something different for hindi movies and as far as originality goes, well thats something is main stream makers are NOT known for.
I can say one thing for sure: Move over (topless) Salman. Saif is in town!
http://jaiarjun.blogspot.com Jabberwock
Haven’t seen Salaam Namaste (and probably won’t anytime soon) but dude, what’s with eulogising that moron Robin Williams? He should get the lifetime achievement award for hamming!
http://prerona.blogspot.com Prero
havent seen it yet so i guess i should just shut up and go away :)
but, how come no one gets so mad abt the hollywood cut paste remakes?
http://gratisgab.blogspot.com Gabby
Come now…so much passion for standard feel-good hindi fare? It was anyway just a combo of Friends and Nine Months…sit back and enjoy Preity’s waist and Saif’s shoulders…what’s not to like there?
I don’t think they chose Melbourne cos they think B’lore or M’lore would be bit much…they chose it for the whole “Phoren” thing that is soooo alluring…from the locals in string bikinis to the locales to the drinking-milk-out-of-the-dabba…it’s the pretty backdrop…it’s yash remember? only all things pretty are permitted on the set!
http://dilse.blogspot.com deez
finally somebody gave an honest opinion. only y didnt u do it faster? it was a hilariously stupid movie, bollywood cant get better than this. wonder what has happened to all th creative brains in the country.
the only thing to match the movie is the latest pepsi ad with srk….but i wonder if u de get to see it.
and if u do, u de prefer the hurricane instead !!!!
http://swarangal.blogspot.com dreamweaver
Did not read too many blog reviews about SN, but was completely taken in by the reviews in different news portals. What were these people thinking about when they wrote such raving reviews?
Chk out
http://swarangal.blogspot.com/2005/09/peeriya-kumbudu-for-salaam-namaste.html
for my reaction thats pretty much same as yours.
http://www.waughgpath.blogspot.com Tugga
You got it right mate!
Horrible, Horrible movie. What really got me shaking my head in disbelief was Preity in her final stage of pregnancy dancing around like it was going out of style. Seriously, what were they thinking!!!!
http://usctrojan98.blogspot.com USC Trojan
I said on my blog that it was a letdown.
But I can’t get the ‘My dil goes mmm mmm’ song out of my head. Dang it!
http://sinshady016.journalspace.com Anirudh
I agree completely. I couldn’t understand all the praise lavished on the movie either.The first half was humorous but foolish, the second half was crap with the director losing his control on the movie.
http://beautiful.rediffblogs.com Beautiful Life
Such a pakaiu movie.
Well, I thought it would be good like the film name; I didn’t read any review niether heard the music. So it was a complete shock.
Better I went for Iqubal.
shub
sorry pal but =)) =)) =))
i can literally feel smoke coming outta ur ears! :D
shub
sorry pal but =)) =)) =))
i can literally feel smoke coming outta ur ears! :D
http://www.attempttobehip.com har
I say you were brave enough to go in with expectations. Serves you right :P
Bryan
Patrix, I haven’t watched the movie and thanks to your review, I won’t. I’m just curious to know why you mentioned Mangalore in your post. I am from Mangalore so I am mighty intrigued. Was there something in the news that I missed? Or did you pull it out of thin air? As for good movies, I would reccommend Sin City and Crash. Absolute Gems!
http://www.parablog.com/ Parag
Thanks, Patrix! That is one less movie to watch.
name
Why did you even expect any kind of social message from this movie. Watch it for Priety’s waist ! Jeez
http://ckunte.com/ Chetan
I’m becoming a firm believer of “entertainment does not go well with common sense, intelligence, or hell, downright logic”. So, I’ve been shutting off my spidy senses whenever I go to see the B’wood movies. Sit back and enjoy, laugh, have a good time and go home =).
http://www.infinitelimits.blogspot.com Ashwin
Thank you my friend.. for bringing sanity back into movie reviews. I am still dumbfounded to see people lavishing praise on this absolute chaos of a movie. When did yelling around and shrieking become a new form of comedy in Indian cinema? Because thats all I saw during the 15 minutes of this movie I watched before giving up!!
Absolute crap.
http://twilightfairy.rediffblogs.com Twilight Fairy
You bet! I was thinking of an exactly similar post.. I saw it on sunday after all that hype..downloaded the movie finally and when I saw it, I was like what utter crap is this! *especially* the last comical childbirth scene was just the last straw.. absolutely in bad taste.. I was also wondering why ppl liked it in the first place..not only was it not original, the acting of both the ‘stars’ was anything but great..the normally spontaneous Preity appeared *so* damn artificial when fighting with her live-in BF.. or when supposedly falling in love with him (just because he eats pizza for her..sheesh).. It’s a bollywood movie, doesnt mean it has to expect the audience to digest crap in the form of some stupid radio channel shows, where the RJ hurls personal insults at someone and then that someone says “I love you” in full broadcast splendour, and later the much enthralled audience helps in locating a pregnant female wearing black and white.. or the fact that a supposdely 5 months Preity (Yeah i calculated) was so utterly LARGE already but she had none of the problems of pregnancy..she walked normally and heck, even managed to wiggle and dance and dammit! even give the car a push when it broke down.. she must be he-man..
Phew.. I think I willl write that post after all :p :)
http://toinkdom1.rediffblogs.com toinks
Bah. Gah. Saw it too. Over Iqbal. Someone, please kindly kill me the next time I try doing something this stupid.
:(
http://www.sakshijuneja.blogspot.com Sakshi
Thank God…finally someone gave a frank and out & out perfect review of the film.
I was falling asleep..while watching the movie. I have lived in Sydney for 7 years…and guys believe me..what they showed doesnot happen in the Oz land.
The movie was nothing more than GOOD LOOKS of the actors…Preity showed that she can look thin and sexy…as for Saif..well he looked good only when the T-shirt was on him. There are just too many faults in movie for me to point out…the movie SUCKED.
http://ipatrix.com Patrix
I am glad that most of you agreed with my review. Too many comments to respond to individually. The reason I sounded pissed was that usually bloggers get it right while reviewing a movie and Salaam Namaste was not remotely good. I admit that Bollywood movies should be enjoyed without infusing logic but when a movie declares to be made on a “bold” theme, it better be so. David Dhawan’s (earlier) movies never made any pretensions of being society-altering movies. And if you copy themes or scenes from Hollywood, credit them in the opening titles, like RGV did for Sarkar. At least we will respect you for that.
http://ohvenkat.blogspot.com venkat
“Egg-jhactly!”…hehe…saw the movie during a recent trip to India.
http://yahoo.com Queer
Oh crap….a trifle too late. I will be watching the movie this sunday in the theatre. Shall comment after that.
mahima
i think the movie suckd big time.
(apart frm saif tht is)priety is too screechy and is screaming during the entire movie which makes you wanna punch her.priety looks 27 mnths pregnant n how the hell is she dancing with tht huge a stomach is beyond me. on the other hand saif rocks!
the story line sucks!
the song are stictly ok.
the cinematography is amazing.
the comedy is the only thing tht has kept the movie afloat!
conc: give it miss if u want quality watching watch iqbal instead.
http://rhyncus.blogspot.com Rhyncus
Yeah, I thought the movie didn’t do what it wanted to do either, though my take wasn’t as scathing as yours, Patrix. :)
Some of the cribs above are obviously excessive,IMHO, but overall, yes, I wouldn’t recommend it to everybody. And my sincerest commiserations to those who chose this over Iqbal.
http://ipatrix.com Patrix
Venkat, I used to love that phrase but now it simply irritates me.
Queer, am guessing you liked it?
Mahima, I have yet to watch Iqbal.
Rhyncus, yeah! I guess all the praise and hype just made me hate it more. Would have casually dismissed it if it didn’t preach its ‘bold theme’
http://yahoo.com Queer
What can I say…too much hungama abt nothing! It was an ok sort of movie. I guess the if any the saving grace was Arshad! Nice songs…esp…My dil goes hmmm..mmmm…mmmm:)

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