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We love to harp on the relative freedom that women enjoy in India especially when we read about ‘bund-gobi‘ (my ex-roommate’s term) Saudi women. When we just decide to gloat about how our women can travel safely in trains at night, there comes news of a wierd kind. We are forced to reevaluate our attitude toward women. Do we really grant them equity? One such news item that caught my eye earlier today (is already doing the rounds in the Indian blogosphere) was the existence of an “institute for ideal wives”, as reported by TOI (who else?). Some interesting statements from their course curriculum are:
During a three-month course, girls are taught that the best time to have sex is from midnight to three in the morning.
From three to six in the morning is the time to sing bhajans. They are also taught that they should keep the husband’s needs above everything else, that a joint family is an excellent setup, that the seven vows of saath pheras are not forgettable nonsense but lifelong commandments, that an ideal wife must have five “ornaments” — coyness in her eyes, smile on her face, sweetness in her speech, love in her heart and a hand that can work very hard.
She may work to increase the family’s income but she should never forget that she is essentially a homemaker. If things go wrong, however, she may file an FIR in the nearest police station.
I cannot help but shake my head in disbelief. This is simply too funny to be true. I cannot imagine that being a married woman is a vocation in itself. Also, interestingly when I opened the article on TOI’s website, a pop-up ad advertised Shaadi.com’s virtues. Do the founders of the Manju Sanskar Kendra know of this technological-demon that pervades their ‘free publicity’ by TOI? Another unrelated news item this time on Rediff reported a far graver crime. A tribal woman unable to repay her debt was allegedly sold for Rs.10,000. I am unable to comprehend how selling one human being in these times is going to benefit the purchaser. Thankfully, the guilty were arrested. Such things may be happenening almost everyday in India and I may be too naive to understand complexities of bonded labor and covert slavery but that doesn’t stop me from being disgusted. Is it just me or does someone else also see subtle similarities between the ‘ideal wives’ and the ’sold woman’? Someone please direct me toward news articles of respecting womanhood in India in recent times.
by Patrix | on Monday, August 8th, 2005 at 4:03 pm | 
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August 8th, 2005 at 5:00 pm reply
Certified Ideal Wife
I came across this article on the TOI title” An Institute for Ideal Wives”. It makes hilarious reading. Sadly, its not a spoof but the truth. She may work to increase the family’s income but she should never forget that she is essentially a homemaker. …
August 8th, 2005 at 5:02 pm reply
Patrix
I read the same article and was working on an entry update. I think that the institute comes in the “Wierd” category of things and is not a normal occurance.
On the other hand, the selling of the woman is sad. I hope and wish that the punishment for something like this was a death squad or public stoning. However barbaric that may sound, it just equals the actual crime, and we dont have any need of such people.
August 8th, 2005 at 8:52 pm reply
Arzan, I totally agree. We cannot claim to be a progressive nation if such cases go unpunished.
August 8th, 2005 at 11:05 pm reply
I hardly think one freak show school is enough to cause us to re-evaluate our attitude towards how Indian women are treated - if we’re making comparisons against Saudi Arabia. Despite all the atrocities against women here in India, they are still a million times more free than those in Saudi Arabia. Name one woman in power in Saudi Arabia - in India, not all the women in power came through family connections. But the fact is they made it., whatever the odds awere, and they are still, for the most part accepted as leaders. I am not, even for a millisecond trying to downplay any of the miseries that women in our country have to face, on a daily basis. I’m just trying to say, let’s not exaggerate everything out of all proportion and take this alarmist attitude. There is a school like this, in America (yes I use America as a yardstick a lot), but you don’t see anybody being shocked over there.
Do we really grant Indian Women equity? That’s a question that you need to answer for yourself. I do. My father didn’t. But I do. I’ll be sure to beat it into my son and daughter’s head. And if I’m still alive, into my grandchildren’s heads too. You, me, and the blogosphere, while not “representative” of the Indian populace, are still a part of Indian society, and not necessarily on its fringes. One freak show school does not change that - in fact this - and the increasing attacks on women may even be a backlash against the fact that changes are happening.
August 9th, 2005 at 5:23 am reply
I don’t know why everyone is so surprised. I wasn’t. I see this happening in daily life everyday around me anyway, mothers and aunts tutoring daughters in the career of marriage. It really is no wonder that there are schools teaching these values too.
August 9th, 2005 at 11:48 am reply
This is a very old story that the TOI has redone. Think Outlook or someone else had done it years back. And if you go and meet the manju sanskar people, they’re actually proud of the writeups. They do not see it as negative. And I agree with Aekta. It happens in daily life too. In a subtle and not so subtle way
August 9th, 2005 at 2:24 pm reply
this is too damn funny… :)
August 9th, 2005 at 2:51 pm reply
TTG, comparing ourselves to Saudi Arabia is no comparison at all…choosing the lesser evil is no good coz it still is evil.
Aekta, I agree that there are thousands of subtle ways in which women are ‘trained’ for married life in India but to go ahead and set up a formal ‘educational’ institute is enough to evoke laughter first and disbelief later.
Rash, don’t tell me they still haven’t learnt that they are been made fun of.
Abhishek, am glad you see the humor :) but the societal implications aren’t so funny if you look closer.
August 9th, 2005 at 4:37 pm reply
holy cow.. or should i say holy bahu! they make a bahu sound like a character from a balaji serial..the ones that arent vamps are all pati vrata bhartiya naaris…i wish these papers wouldnt write ‘fillers’ for articles.. :p
August 9th, 2005 at 8:22 pm reply
Ok everyone, now which unemployed rural youth wants to turn entrepreneur- Project: Pati Parmeshwar Mahavidhyaalay where Indian men will learn to be good husbands. How to treat a wife, how NOT to abuse however angry they get, how to become a diplomat in the home where both mother and wife live. How to handle economic and societal pressures by himself and not hide behind his wife’s palla… Please do contact me- I have all materials, syllabus etc. ready for free.
August 9th, 2005 at 8:25 pm reply
Forgot the chapter on how to use condoms and not have unsafe sex with wife, specially after being afflicted with STDs or AIDs, whatever the time of night- some of those chapters need collaboration with the Mahila Sanstha
August 9th, 2005 at 9:07 pm reply
Twilight, never can be too surprised, right?
Blokes, I guess you seem to have some great experience in being an ‘ideal’ husband. Hope you find some takers :)
August 11th, 2005 at 12:31 am reply
Patrix try again, am NOT an ideal husband, rather was being my sarcastic best as I am a woman- u r the 2nd one to take my gender wrongly for granted.