In India, people—especially when they are your elders, relatives, or close friends—tend to feel that by thanking them, you’re violating your intimacy with them and creating formality and distance that shouldn’t exist. They may think that you’re closing off the possibility of relying on each other in the future.
[Source: The Atlantic]
A few outrage cycles ago, this story on Atlantic made the rounds on Twitter. Obviously, Indians were pissed off at the implication that we’re not thankful or express our gratitude to people. However, I think people misinterpreted the article and I can see the point that the author was trying to make.
In India, most informal transactions that do not involve money rely on the implicit and often unsaid understanding that if I do a favor for you, I can count on you in the future to return the favor. Also, you do favors only for people that you consider your friends so introducing any formality often clouds that interaction. This is true especially within a family.
As much as it is obvious to say that you are thankful and yet you will be there for them in the future, saying ‘Thank You’ and especially in English, suddenly makes it sound like a deal that’s concluded. The person whom you say thanks, interprets it as if you’re no longer in their debt. Additionally, people often consider it their duty to help others out and if you thank them in explicit terms, it diminishes their help at least in their eyes. You’ve suddenly robbed them of the joy it gives them when they help others even though like giving for charity, it is for a ‘selfish’ reason.
That said, not thanking anyone for the help they provide is very different from not actually appreciating their help. At times, even saying thanks may help. But cultural differences help you understand why continuously thanking others, like it sometimes happens in the U.S., may not go over so well in the desh.