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If the title sounded like some skewed English novel churned out by a new-age Indian American author, I didn’t mean it to. Dancing has been as comfortable to me as a warm pullover in the Jamaican sun. God must have played a dirty joke as he retrofitted me with two left feet that have a mind of their own. If you thought chandler’s dance moves were legendary, then probably you haven’t attended a dance party that god forbid, I decided to shake a leg or two. But in typical Akash Malhotra style played by the indomitable Aamir in DCH, dance kiya bhi toh 400 logon ke saamne aur woh bhi graduate school mein. It cannot get any psychologically damaging than that. A shrink in a remote NY borough is rubbing his hands in glee and psychology majors are currently planning a dissertation on that anachronistic spectacle. My dancing tales do not typically extend beyond the typical Ganpati Visarjan procession where acting crazy is the norm and my disability to dance is actually hidden (gasp!) in the morasses of insanity.
But companionship and a certain chemical reaction also induced by consuming large amounts of chocolate can make you do even crazier things. Ash must have sensed that I was in a good mood when she coaxed me into signing up for a Waltz class. If dancing was the French Revolution, I was literally pleading to be guillotined by peals of laughter. Fortunately we ended up being on the opposite end of grey hair demographic of the class. Cleverly disguised as an introductory lesson for novices, the waltz supremo insisted on cramming an entire graduate level course on a dance form that has evolved over past 200 years into one hour and then set us loose. Running helter skelter would have been more graceful. I could see Ash struggling to maintain her composure occasionally bursting into peals of laughter, letting the rest to chuckle as well. Unable to see our discomfort, few of them proffered useful bits of advice that I promptly forgot once I got on the dance floor.
Ash had a difficult time deciding which was funnier – my weird expressions or my sad-ass PJs. Note to myself – waltzing looks elegant from a distance and there is more to it than the box-step that I finally manage to master (Yay!). But it was little consolation that I still manage to look like a Bolshevik in the middle of the Changing of the Guard. The ability to shake different parts of your anatomy differently is still a mystery to me. We finally managed rum-pum through the simple dance moves and were trying to stealthily get away before we were invited for the Christmas Ball. I think their stand-up comedy guy cancelled out at the last minute.
It’s a wonder that Ash still wants to be seen with me after seeing me dance. But hey, what’s life without making a little fool of yourself when in fact; life will do it anyways someday.
by Patrix | on Wednesday, December 15th, 2004 at 11:05 pm | 
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December 15th, 2004 at 11:54 pm reply
hmm.. mebbe Ash did have a nice time ‘dancing with the tinda’ eh? :p :)
Would love to see an mpg/avi of ur dance BTW..
December 16th, 2004 at 12:09 am reply
Twilight - You want a bigger rage than the current mobile phone adventures with less than half the fun? Whether Ash had a nice time or not, is for Ash to answer :) Paging Ash…
December 16th, 2004 at 3:32 am reply
im tellin ya..stick to headbanging!! lol
December 16th, 2004 at 5:23 am reply
Hmm… Patrix Swayze goes dirty dancing…
So what’s next? Salsa? Lambada?
December 16th, 2004 at 5:25 am reply
Around four years back (exactly) I visited Universal studios. They had a gala dance night that night. We stayed back. There were more than 10000 people. The singer like in the middle of show suddenly thought some selected dudes from the crowds should come to the stage and dance.
He chose me.
Just imagine. I dont know a thing about dancing.
Man, that horror still haunts.
(yeah, I did get to the stage and I did dance, much to my surprise to the cheering crowd.) :-)
Btw, who is ash?
December 16th, 2004 at 5:26 am reply
Hey Leela, we almost commented at the same time. :-)
same pinch.
December 16th, 2004 at 12:41 pm reply
Hey, I just got paged..kya hua ? whats going on ?
What re Patrix, aise hi tension deta hai…here I thought it was something urgent and came running, out of breath, to your blog ! Humph.
Oh well, if you do want to know, I had a great time … your comical expressions and fumbling moves were well worth the cost of embarassment and stepped-on feet ! Hehe, you’d sure give ol’ tinda and his belly dancing a run for his money - who’d want to see a naked IIT dude bellydancing when they can see a bespectacled nerd making a royal ass of himself :P !
Awww, now dont make that face, you know I had a good time and was as bad at the darned waltz as you …lekin mazaa aaya na ? :)
December 16th, 2004 at 2:10 pm reply
Way to go dude! Heavy preparations for the new year’s eve, I figure :))
December 16th, 2004 at 2:25 pm reply
Jo - Headbanging has always been my fave dance coz its the easiest and more crazy u look, the better you are :) until it nearly gave me spondilysis.
Leela - Ohno! Salsa and Lambada involves moving more than one body part simultaneously..a near impossible feat for me…but Patrix Swayze? I like that :)
Smiley - Thatz the reason I make it a point to stay miles away from anyone performing on the stage…but guess you are a crowd pleaser..get any money thrown at you?
Ash - Mazaa aaya issliye yeh likh raha hoon warna would have killed anyone who would have mentioned it again. If you really think that my dancing can earn us something, we ought to sell tickets next time.
Spaceman - If everyone wants to usher in the new year laughing hysterically, then heck ya..preparing for the new year.
December 16th, 2004 at 4:56 pm reply
Ash, only you could have accomplished that. Congrats! Even I tried that with Pi. Took me two years to pester him. Finally we enrolled in the Swing and Jitterbug class. Little did I know there were steps where I would be flung and caught midair!!! Jeez, we both were in the ICU after one session. Traumatic, I say. I’ll stick to lizard dance. Maybe all the non-dancers should unite and have a party. that way we can learn from each others moves.
December 16th, 2004 at 5:36 pm reply
what you page ash to read your blog, everytime you update it? that will be too many calls in a day..how do u deal with that?
December 16th, 2004 at 6:18 pm reply
Alpha - your lizard dance comes close to my dancing abilities..thank heavens you suck at dancing too otherwise I would have heard about it all my life. Flinging and throwing must have been easy for Pi..but err..if he has to throw and fling you, that makes it difficult :)
and paging was telepathic…unlimited mind-to-mind calls…no charge.
December 16th, 2004 at 6:45 pm reply
and why havent you answered Smiley’s questions?
Going by relative sizes, you shud know that it is easy for Pi to accomplish that..fliging, that is..catching never happened.
December 16th, 2004 at 7:59 pm reply
Alphy(?) - Why are you referring to yourself in the cute tense?
I would have loved to see the “Fling” dance…did Pi ever play hammer-throw in the Olympics? and what was Smiley’s question again…hmmm..no comments.
December 16th, 2004 at 11:25 pm reply
kind of late in the day, but is Ash the “special one” ? :) come now let the cat out…..
December 17th, 2004 at 12:01 am reply
Pompy - I thought you were one of those smarter ones..tch tch…samjhdaar ko ishaara kaafi hai.
December 17th, 2004 at 2:17 pm reply
never knew you would have a problem with me thinking I am cute. Yeah pomps, It is it!
December 19th, 2004 at 7:52 pm reply
Alpha - thinking is fine but calling yourself cute?? anyways never mind…Glad u gave Pomps the gentle nudge towards the truth…the world suddenly makes more sense to her now :)