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Another time consuming activity has been entertaining and making my mom feel at home whilst she is away from my dad for possibly the longest time since they got married (hello, what about the time he was in Australia for 40 days? Ok, you joined him later). Now you might think she could have chosen a better time than finals week to visit her son. But trust me, this is the best time. I work best under pressure since procrastination is my buddy when I have oodles of time and hardly any work to do.
Upon arrival, she did the customary inspection of our home and was visibly pleased. Of course, she didn’t know we had spent the better part of the previous day scrubbing everything clean. Of course, she was down here on a mission. Armed with tons of catalog material (and samples), she is going to finalize Ash’s wedding attire(s) before she leaves. She has come fully prepared with magazine clippings, sample material, and measuring tape. And she wanted to get started as soon as she stepped in. Honestly, the fact that the ‘big day’ is approaching hadn’t sunk in because we are completely disconnected from the apparent melee back in India. Yeah, yeah, much to the relief of my parents, I am getting married at the end of this year; fret not those dying to wish us, a gift registry link will be put up soon for you to convey your wishes.
Also certain truths about the guy’s role in a wedding must be dwelt upon. His attire isn’t important and is merely expected to ‘match’ the bride’s carefully chosen attire. I guess, he is the necessary accessory that has to just stand there and look (barely) presentable. DVDs of a recently married second-(or third-) cousin have also been brought along to explain the different rituals involved. Ash is actually taking notes (to pass on to her parents) on the pre-wedding rituals while I sit around muttering how redundant and boring this all looks. But no one is paying attention.
My mom is in an instructional (her favorite) mode pointing out intricacies of a Maharashtrian wedding to an equally engrossed Oriya Ash. The wedding will be Oriya-style but still mom is insisting on Maharashtria pre-wedding rituals that Ash’s parents have thankfully agreed to do. I am flitting in and out of the room while catching glimpses of familiar faces on the screen who have changed considerably since I last saw them.
I am mildly interested in the ample food and snacks that mom has brought along and she seems hell bent upon making me eat it in the month that she is here (wonder if she plans to take back the plastic bags that she has brought it in). I was a voracious eater but have considerably mellowed (not while wolfing down a steak though…sssshhh..don’t tell my mom) and definitely hate snacking. I’m an ‘eat at meal-times only’ guy and somehow my mom has been trying to change that for years and make me indulge in the ‘graze and chew-the-cud’ habit (yeah, even I wonder why). It is a wonder that I don’t have a weight problem (yet).
The initial wedding planning euphoria out of the way, she is beginning to settle down. After fighting the jet-lag battle, she is staying awake past 9pm finally. However, I am finding it difficult to keep mom occupied while I wrap up my semester. Ash works full-time so she can’t act the traditional and devoted bahu (would-be) either. I showed her the way to a nearby shopping complex and went off to study. I panicked majorly after she failed to turn up home at the time she said she would. After checking each aisle in Hobby Lobby and driving around to other stores, I finally get a call that she is home. Bah! I guess I can trust her now to stay un-lost.
The DVD player and the bookshelf are turning out to be a major rescuer. I pop in a movie and hand her a book and she stays engrossed in them for at least sometime. She has already seen more movies in a week than she would see in a year back in India and frankly, I think it is wearing her down.
Why am I writing this post when I could be spending ‘quality time’ with my mom? Well, thank heavens for cousins who also live on the same continent. She is off to California for a week. I’ll be (almost) done with my academic commitments by the time she returns so hopefully time will be better spent.
by Patrix | on Saturday, April 28th, 2007 at 6:45 pm | 
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April 28th, 2007 at 11:36 pm reply
Hehe! I did guest blog, but like in your case, I have project submissions and they are ‘under control’. :)
Your getting married by the year end eh? Nice. Nice. Good luck! I’m sure you’ll end up a tired old man after all the wedding festivities. I had been to my cousin’s wedding recently. Trust me, the groom faces a lot of public torture and he needs to smile through all that!
April 29th, 2007 at 6:50 am reply
are you just nervous or totally bored and trying to put off getting back to work? such a long rambing post from you! have you read shoefi’s pointers for a spectacular wedding? thought you could use some of her tips… Meanwhile
April 29th, 2007 at 9:16 am reply
Piker, what makes you think I am not a tired old man right now? The torture is just getting started…but then, I asked for it :) Pssss…it isn’t so bad.
Charu, mea culpa. I almost deleted this post after I wrote it…started off somewhere ended elsewhere. Probably I’m just not back yet. Apologies.
April 29th, 2007 at 9:30 am reply
Amen to that - the guy is totally irrelevant in the wedding. Even most of the gifts will be for the bride. Not sure what the rituals are for Oriya weddings, but if they are anything close to Bengali ones, be prepared to be placed in a number of embarrassing situations (not to mention photographic evidence that will make you cringe many years on!). Good luck !
Enjoy piling on the pounds while mom is here.
April 29th, 2007 at 10:25 am reply
@Bongo - Care to share those embrassing moments :P We demand pictures!!
@Patrix- I hope Orriya weddings are more fun than Maharashtrian ones. I fell asleep at the last Marathi wedding I attended.And if I remembered right, my brother was “on the show” as much as the s-i-l… so brush up on the fake smiles…
April 29th, 2007 at 10:44 am reply
Congratulations! weddings are .. fun :) believe me, you can have fun deciding on the menu.. and shopping for shoes, suits and interpreting what exactly the bhat-ji is saying when he is mumbling at the ceremony.
April 29th, 2007 at 12:16 pm reply
Bongo, I guess you having gone through the experience already will sympathize :) I am assuming there are plenty of similarities between Oriya and Bengali customs from what I have heard from Ash.
Sakshi, according to our movies, only Punju weddings are supposed to be fun (and dramatic). I echo the opinion of the Maharashtrian wedding being boring. Admiration of jewelery and clothing is the highlight of the wedding as the poor couple sweat it out for hours in front of the fire although love the ’saavdhan’ bit.
Sqrl, probably we might be opting for an Arya Samaj wedding in lieu of the actual ceremony although we are having all the pre-wedding rituals (haldi, etc) so bhat-ji might be subjected to lot of questioning from me.
May 3rd, 2007 at 8:10 am reply
[...] P’s mom arrived here last weekend and is staying with us for a short while. Even though it’s kind of intimidating to live with your future MIL, it has turned out to be a good chance for us to get to know each other better. And of course, wedding preparations are in full swing so we’ve had plenty of time to discuss wedding details. I have to confess that being away from home has largely insulated me from the wedding hysteria. But after talking with Aunty, I started getting a wee bit panicky about wedding details. [...]
May 8th, 2007 at 12:47 pm reply
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