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However, the most important aspect (at least according to me) remains undiscussed - the wedding gifts. Mom didn’t seem to broach the topic and I didn’t want to be saddled with 20 pressure cookers, so I made the first move. I asked her if the courtesy line of “no gifts please” was going to be included in the wedding card. It hasn’t been decided yet, I was told but it may be, considered the logistics of hauling stuff back to the States. Honestly, I didn’t want any of those typical household gifts (called ‘aandan’ in Marathi and displayed at the wedding) to be handed to us in India expecting us to cart it all the way here. The F1-H1B Wedding (cool term that, thanks Sqrl) comes saddled with the dilemma of giving appropriate gifts that the couple can cart back to the U.S.
Frankly, that line - no gifts please - is put in reluctantly. We all love gifts but we don’t want to be saddled with useless stainless steel taatlis or countless bouquets that only wilt the next morning. I am also told that you will get gifts if you want them or not (why wouldn’t I not want them? Someone has been spreading rumors) Frankly, cash is preferred but you really can’t print your bank account number for direct deposit or maybe a Paypal button on an interactive wedding card. Ah-ha! The idea of a new-age wedding invitation was taking shape. Aghast, my mom (and Ash) would have none of it. Perhaps that would be too obvious, I agree.
So how to get meaningful gifts without asking for them? Of course, the wedding registry comes readily to mind. These Americans, I tell you, come up with the most innovative and simplest of solutions. No kaisa lagega and log kya kahenge, just one line that the couple is registered at one of those mega stores where you get everything to set up probably a million homes is mentioned right at the bottom of each invite. Guests can either shop at those real-world stores or online and have the gifts shipped right to the couples home; usually before the wedding. Several stores have excellent guides and recommendations on how best you can fleece your well wishers.
Now of course, to translate this to an Indian context is going to be difficult as most of us in India are still skeptical about buying online and would rather ‘feel’ the gift you are buying even if it is a regular toaster. Have you ever used a toaster before you bought one? So why the heck would you want to ‘feel’ one (oh no, don’t go there) before you buy it; you can always return it anyway if something goes wrong. I just hope our well wishers are tech savvy enough to be comfortable with buying stuff online and stop saying, but that is cheaper here (it is not!)
But regardless of whatever might happen, Ash and I have already started compiling a wedding registry and items are added as we remember them. But I don’t think our registry is ever going to be all bought up although I will point it out to any one who asks us what we want for our wedding. On a tangential note, my brother who is also getting married a week later wants an XBox 360 as a wedding gift from us. Now I know what he will be doing on his wedding night.
Anyway, wedding registry aside, I have got the ‘permission’ to set up our wedding webpage (you saw that coming, didn’t you?). It will just be one page with the wedding invite displayed prominently and an RSVP link. It will also have one-line description on the bride and the groom with possible links to photos. And of course, the link to the registry. Ah-ha! Now you get it. Damn! I thought I could sneak that by you.
by Patrix | on Thursday, May 3rd, 2007 at 2:08 pm | 
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May 3rd, 2007 at 3:51 pm reply
Ah! Now the whole marriage build up makes sense :P
We ere mortals stuck here in US demand a bachelor party (well any party actually ) and then we will consider visitng the said page.
May 3rd, 2007 at 3:53 pm reply
Get him a Wii. That way at least he will be assured of some action on his wedding night.
May 3rd, 2007 at 4:02 pm reply
Sakshi, a bachelor party may be arranged but the only way you are invited is if you ‘perform’ :) *ouch* otherwise contact Ash for a equivalent event.
Santosh, a Wii? And then we just might expect him to go wheee! Let us see if IndiCast will provide live commentary on his wedding night :) (His fiancee is going to kill me.)
May 3rd, 2007 at 4:23 pm reply
Serious advice for wedding registry: Take the lazy way out and demand gift cards. If you have to choose items for the registry have some input (sorry, Ash) or you could end up with 10,000 crystal items which will prove to be a pain in the ass when you move. I’m still using Home Depot gift cards which I got for my wedding back in 2004.
If Sakshi is performing at your bachelor party, a webcast might be in order :-P
p.s. Sakshi, your URL on the comments on this site link to some “Bible mega site”.
May 3rd, 2007 at 4:25 pm reply
Patrix,
you can put in a note saying that navrya-muli la switzerland / seychelles - falana exotic place la honeymoon saathi jaayche..
so , if you can contribute towards that instead of your gift, it would be great :-)
thankfully, had a lot of relatives from us attending my wedding in india — and they gave me gift cards from kohls, target and the likes :-)
May 3rd, 2007 at 5:03 pm reply
@Santosh - I corrected it. If you type in blogpsot instead of blogspot,you are automatically redirected to the bible store. Ingenious, I say!
Really, Patrix! You like my singing so much ;)
But most bachelorette parties are maha-boring, unless copius amount of alcohol (preferably A grade Tequila) is invovled. But ps. fwd my request to Ash!
And I think Santosh has it right, demand gift cards. Then segragate the gifters, say anyone who gave say Rs.1000 gift card, can stand in the meet the couple from 500 yards and drink water line.. will either trim your guest list to say 15 people or you will end up raking it in.
May 3rd, 2007 at 6:16 pm reply
I second Sakshi - we demand bachelor party - although I have the least chances of being present physically - but am willing to hookup via internet/chat and drink concurrently (will be a bit strange drinking early in the morning - but what the heck!)
May 3rd, 2007 at 6:47 pm reply
Santosh, much thanks for the gift card idea but honestly, I rather have them give me gifts from the registry…it is at least more personalized then. E.g. “remember those friends who live in Dadar? The ones who gave us that IKEA center table, ga! Yup! they are having yet another kid.” Get it?
Pranav, actually that honeymoon package idea did come up. We’ll have platinum, gold, and silver sponsors who will shell out for the different aspects of the trip. Of course, I’ll be willing to hold up boards in our photos thanking them :)
Sakshi, as long as you sing Mein Aaye hoon UP-Bihar lootne (Shool), Babuji zara dheere chalo(Dum), or Beedi (Omkara)with all the jhatkas included, I’ll have no problems…don’t worry, there will be plenty of daaru available. Only if we could get Bongo to fly down.
We are trying to do a haatke-reception with no line and all but now if I use your criteria, I just might be tempted to give it a try :)
Bongo, whatz with bloggers and webcast? Forgotten how the real thing looks like, kya? Bongo miyan, I am not accepting any excuse of being halfway across the world for not attending any bachelor party. Who will toss in those martinis?
May 3rd, 2007 at 8:01 pm reply
Pat,
Why not ask all guests to click on couple of ads? That should be a real new age gift. :P
On the other hand, bachelor’s party would be most welcome. Thanks in advance!
May 3rd, 2007 at 8:46 pm reply
Confused, whoa! whoa! No suggesting clicking of ads. Big Brother Google is listening. And of course, do you really want cents as a gift?
And of course, you are invited to the bachelor party…as long as you promise not to dance when drunk.
May 3rd, 2007 at 9:27 pm reply
It’s the first time i’m seeing a desi wedding talk about a gift registry- perhaps it is catching on- I always thought it was so impersonal and shallow.
nothing personal, patrix. perhaps i’ll post about my gripe sometime..:-)
May 3rd, 2007 at 10:17 pm reply
Hey P - First of course, congratulations. And poor Ash - please ensure she doesn’t get stressed.
I love the “No gifts please” line. If you really want to follow the Americans, here’s the latest trend - a line that says “In lieu of a gift, we kindly ask that you make a donation to XYZ charity. Both of us think they do wonderful work for the ABC cause. You can find more information…etc.”
We did that and we know lots and lots of friends who also did that. Wonderful feeling.
May 3rd, 2007 at 11:15 pm reply
The Girl from Ipanema, well I agree about the impersonal touch but it is very practical and negates redundancy. Imagine getting ten gifts of the same kind. Of course, it is an experiment…have to adapt it to the Indian context.
Shripriya, that’s an interesting idea. However, how do you make sure they have contributed? I am having a difficult time auctioning off gifts at face value for charity on DesiPundit…why would ppl gift for charity? Perhaps I am too cynical.
May 4th, 2007 at 12:40 am reply
Hmm… Nice cheerful banter going on here eh?
Let me know when your sem gets over. Need to talk/chat with you about some blog related stuff!
May 4th, 2007 at 7:54 am reply
Dude,
If you go the gift registry way, there is no way in 2-3 years you will remember who gave which gift, unless its a standout like a XBox 360. Heck, there is no way you will remember who gifted what no matter what because of the sheer number of people unless you maintain a diligent list and save it for posteriority.
Honestly, my thinking is that for a wedding, getting to meet all your friends and relatives in one place is the biggest gift in itself in these days of nuclear families and globalization. Dont stress out over the material gifts. Gift cards, zindabad!
May 4th, 2007 at 9:30 am reply
Piker, I should be done by mid next week. Can meet up then.
Santosh, I understand re but you see, I don’t more than 10 people actually using the registry. And we are expecting gifts only from people whom we can’t say no to. Otherwise, we will be having (I think) the “no gifts please” line in our invite. But yeah, gift cards would be the way to go.
May 4th, 2007 at 1:08 pm reply
ahaha … every wedding i attend , im right in a pother about what to get them! i usually end up giving a gift cert … or better still just gifting my presence :D
All the best for D-Day, Patrix And Ash!
May 4th, 2007 at 1:30 pm reply
Hey Patrix and Ash,
Congratulations! Hope it is a fun day for both of you.
May 4th, 2007 at 2:47 pm reply
Before I forget congrats and more importantly good luck on the impending nuptials :-)
May 4th, 2007 at 3:46 pm reply
heh…..reminded me of what we did for our wedding. We had similar concerns and did not want 4 toasters and 3 casseroles. Actually, we didn’t want too many material gifts. So we actually did a few things. To all our friends and family (particularly those in the states) we sent a separate wedding card (an online one we designed, different from the “official” one our parents insisted on making), where we clearly said we didn’t want any material gifts, but we do like to travel, so travel coupons or cash for travel was more than welcome. On the “official” card our parents refused to say that, so we gave the option of giving gifts to our charity of choice (we had a couple of them), with an additional note saying we didn’t want gifts. I think it did help in cutting down the number of useless items we got. We didn’t go for a registry thingy though…..
May 4th, 2007 at 7:18 pm reply
wedding gifts.. now we’re talking ..:) so where are you guys registering? The Bombay Store? :)
Well, I personally dont like the idea of taking gifts, because I dont like giving gifts…tum log ke liye exception..:)
but remember..if you accept gifts, remember you have to write out handwritten notes telling people how you are enjoying those gifts.. well at least thats what they do on the series friends.. what will you write? Loved the ‘taatli’.. it complements the ‘fullpatra’ so beautifully?
May 5th, 2007 at 9:24 am reply
Neel, thanks. You’ll get the address for the gift card :)
Crystal, thanks a lot. I’m sure it will be.
Sunil, We would love something like that too but I know how parents can be regarding eclectic gifts. Frankly, we would like to veer away from material gifts as well. But then the intangibles cannot be bought online. The charity option seems quite popular now since Shripriya also mentioned it.
Sqrl, Right now we are just compiling our ideas at Amazon (reputable online store known but basically giving the idea a try. We may or may not go with eventually.
May 6th, 2007 at 10:11 am reply
I am assuming the wedding registry list contains a dart board with Nilu’s face on it. Sounds like the perfect gift for you guys. :)
May 6th, 2007 at 11:06 am reply
Gaurav, Nilu? who Nilu? :)
May 6th, 2007 at 11:13 pm reply
So where’s the wedding website? :-)